As i grow older, i start to realise more things around me. Slowly, i keep more things to myself and not willing to share with people.

Sometimes, i hope that i can become more selfish and fight for what i want and stop compromising with others. I may seem happy with what i have got but the fact is i am not.

I cried when mum asked me about my birthday this year. 18. It should be something many look forward to. I don't know why this is happening to me. I felt really sad at that point of time. And up till now, i am still clueless to why.

I came to know that people whom you may have spoke a million times to, known for many years and seems like closest friends, may not be people whom you want to talk things to. At times, this people can be those whom you lie the most to and hope that they can be silent for just a second.

Me:

Normal looking face.

Unhealthy hair

Short

Slim but bigass tummy.

No money

No ability to continue with my hobbies and interest

Bad grades.

I am not being overly emotional here. But these are all true. aren't they?

At points of time, i just feel so inferior to everyone. I don't know why i have such a mindset. But i feel like not much people are concern about how i feel. I feel like a clown most of the times and people come to me just because they want me to make them laugh rather than coming to share their sorrows and being really concern about me. When they ask me things, i can tell that they are more into it as it is a gossip rather than asking because it concerns me.

I want to concentrate. I want to do well in all aspects of life and prove to people who think i am not good wrong.

Maybe i should just learn to be more hardworking and train to have the ability to have a more open-up heart and being able to forgive and forget.

Not to deny, i am someone who can be really selfish and scold someone right behind their back. I am trying to push myself from this me and make myself more forgiving.

I can't say that i need to accept the fact as if i say so, i'd have bad results all the way, not able to appreciate people and not able to go well with people.

I need to work hard.

have decided to change to blogspot cause i cant seem to be able to make my own blogskin through XANGA. goodness gracious me.